Casual sex project

Casual sex project DEFAULT

The Casual Sex Project

Many of us fantasize about no-strings sex—but how many of us could really handle it? Sex researcher Zhana Vrangalova reveals how to tell whether you’re ready for one-night stands, friends with benefits, and other forms of casual sex . . . and how to make the most of it when you are.

Healthy sexual intimacy is traditionally portrayed as possible only in the context of emotionally committed, long-term relationships, but that view conflicts with the reality of many people’s sexual experiences. That disconnect can put a negative spin on casual encounters, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Plenty of men and women enjoy hookups—from one-night stands with strangers to year-long friends-with-benefits—without guilt and without regrets. How do they do it . . . and can it work for you?

Dr. Zhana Vrangalova has collected hundreds of real-life casual sex stories, from disastrous hookups to fantastic, life-changing booty call sessions and everything in between. Combining insights drawn from those stories with the growing social science research on the connections between our sex lives and our emotional well-being, she’s identified the key psychological factors that determine whether or not we’re likely to enjoy casual sex, as well as easy steps we can take to make it a more positive experience. Anybody can tell you how to have an active sex life without settling down—Dr. Zhana will help you make sure you’re getting the most pleasure you can.

What casual sex encounter do you want to explore?
—One-night stand
—Sex with an Ex
—First of More
—Short Fling
—Group Sex
—Other Sexcapades


Last week, a Twitter follower wrote the following in response to something I’d mentioned about squirting aka female ejaculation: “For…

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Male, 53, UK
“We licked her pussy, kissed her, sucked her nipples…”

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Woman, 21, US
“When asked if I was ready, I practically begged him to fuck me.”

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Male, 56, Europe
“It’s somehow extra hot to be plowing into their asses…”

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Woman, 27, NYC
“…his big dick hang so low. I had forgotten how big he actually was.”

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Man, 33, USA
“I slipped my fingers into her tight wet pussy and she moaned.”

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Woman, 39, USA
“She was so hot and let me suck her nipples and rub her all over. “

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Man, 50s, North America
“We had been making out for 5 1/2 hours straight – she had 6 orgasms and I had 1.”

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Woman, 27, New York
“… I couldn’t stop my moaning and scratching him.”

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Man, 47, Sydney
“There was none of the frenzied urgency I usually find in male-male encounters.”

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Male, 51, USA
“Her nipples were hard from the coolness of the night and that was a turn on.”

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Female, 40, USA
“All the attention was making me feel really good, and increasingly hornier.”

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Female, 30, Europe
“I’m already dying to orgasm.”

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Male, 37, North America
“She told me to come to the garage and show her how much I wanted her…”

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Female, 24, Africa
“…I could tell from the way he was looking at me that he wanted me too.”

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Male, 35
“I couldn’t believe I’d finally given in and acted on my secret fantasy.”

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Man, 37, Seattle
“As he pulled out, I could feel his cum dripping out of my ass.”

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Woman, 46, US
“… I felt his dick harden even more for a second and pulse and felt a warm stream hit the back of my throat three times…”

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Male, 26, Raleigh
“…came up behind her and placed a blindfold over her eyes.”

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Male, 35, USA
“He looked at me and asked if he could take a turn…”

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Female, 29, USA
TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Coercion
“He was asking if I was going to be a good girl for him.”

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Male, 41, Toronto
“I started jackhammering into her…”

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Female, 51, Asia
“I loved having sex with this man…”

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Male, 36, USA
“I remember it almost like it happened in slow motion…”

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Woman, 19, London
“The sex consisted of brief moments of pleasure, however no climax as he paused purposely.”

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Male, 46, USA
“She dropped to her knees and started to suck…”

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Genderqueer, 19, USA
“He slipped it in and moved my legs above his shoulders.”

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Male, 37, Melbourne
“…I was quivering.”

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Male, 58, USA
“I said that she looked good enough to eat…”

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Female, 33, Colorado
“All I had to do was clean…”

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Female, 35, Greatfalls
“We had a nice chat and cuddled tenderly before we went for round two…”

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Male, 28, Germany
“Her kisses were so delicious it was breathtaking to me.”

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Female, 34, UK
“My dress and bikini end up on the living room floor…”

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Male, 28, USA
“…next thing I know I’m on my back, legs up in the air, with him talking dirty to me…”

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Male, 62, USA
“I told her straight up that I’d like to nibble on her legs…”

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Male, 37, Minnesota
“…we all proceed to slowly take off our clothes, however, I recall I was the first one naked.”

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Man, 55, Virginia
“When I got to her room, she was laying on her bed with a pillow under her ass, her legs spread and ready for me to do the obvious.”

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The Casual Sex Project is collecting one-night stand stories

Dazed: Where did the inspiration for the Casual Sex Project come from? 

Dr Vrangalova: Well, I studied casual sex academically during my PhD studies. Most of the research that’s been done is on college students and there’s not a lot of information about people who are not college students. There also seems to be not a lot of honest discussion about about hook-ups, there’s a lot of "oh it’s bad for you" or "oh it’s amazing" moralising but a lot of people don’t get to really hear a first person account of what that looks like and feels like. I think it’s a useful thing for people to have, both for those who are writing the stories – because a lot of science suggests that sitting down and writing an experience helps you make sense of it – but also the people reading get to learn from other people's experiences. They help find where you stand in relationships, so beyond these voyeuristic pleasures that some people might get from sharing or reading these stories, I hope that it would be actually useful on a much deeper level to have that sort of forum out there.

"Studies show that among college students, up to 80% have had some sort of a non-relationship based sexual encounter. A lot of people are doing it"

Is this an attempt to make hook-ups less taboo? 

Dr Vrangalova:My hope is that it’s shedding a light on this practice. I don’t think it’s necessarily a positive or negative experience for everyone. I think the project really shows that diversity in people. Sometimes it’s the best thing that ever happened to people, sometimes it’s the worst thing that ever happened to people. Sometimes it’s just mediocre, blah, whatever. That’s what I was hoping to show, so in some ways it’s an attempt to "de-taboo" the practice – but not with an agenda to show that it’s always a great or horrible thing.

Do you have a favourite story? 

Dr Vrangalova:They’re all special in some way, so I can’t, really. Some of them are a favourite because of how amazing they were: they'd had very asexual vibes or they were stuck in a relationship in which they weren’t really exploring their sexuality, then they had a one night stand somewhere on vacation that really made them realise that they were much more sexual than that and allowed them to learn a lot about themselves.

Are you surprised by the response so far? 

Dr Vrangalova:Maybe a little bit. When I first started I really didn’t know if it was going to catch on or not – I’m really glad that it did! In some ways it’s not surprising because casual sex is something that a lot of us are doing, studies show that among college students, up to 80% have had some sort of a hook-up, some sort of a non-relationship based sexual encounter. A lot of people are doing it. So it’s relevant to a lot of people's lives.

Do you think the internet is aiding casual sex? What do you think about hook-up or dating apps like Grindr or Tinder; are they a healthy thing? 

Dr Vrangalova:It's hard to say. I think having that ease can be both a good or bad thing; on one hand, you have more choices and you can make better decisions. But on the other hand, the grass is always greener on the other side… So in that sense, you can perhaps feel less satisfied with the choices you have made because you can always say, "This guy was great, but that hat other guy might have been greater." 

Have you ever submitted your own story to the Casual Sex Project? 

Dr Vrangalova:I have not, no. I'm just the administrator; it's my baby!


Sex project casual

Casual Sex Project

Why not donate your best booty call stories to a good cause? The Casual Sex Project, a new Tumblr run by NYU professor and sex researcher Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, wants you to share your no-strings sexcapades with the world, all in the name of science. 

While you might not know her by name, you’re probably already familiar with Dr. Zhana’s work.  Remember the study that almost singlehandedly destroyed the stigma surrounding casual sex that’s had the internet all abuzz these past few weeks? Vrangalova spearheaded that research, and now we all have a way to thank her for it. 

The Casual Sex Projectarose from years of academic sex study and was thrust into the world of the web as a result of Vrangalova’s most recent discoveries -- Dr. Zhana found that while up to 80% of college-aged students are hooking up commitment-free, no one seemed to be talking about it. "My hope is that it’s shedding a light on this practice. I don’t think it’s necessarily a positive or negative experience for everyone... Sometimes it’s the best thing that ever happened to people, sometimes it’s the worst thing that ever happened to people," Vrangalova explained in a recent interview with Dazed Digital. "In some ways it’s an attempt to "de-taboo" the practice -- but not with an agenda to show that it’s always a great or horrible thing."

While her recent revelatory research focused primarily on college students, The Casual Sex Projectgives people of all ages and backgrounds a chance to voice their experiences with casual sex and contribute to Dr. Zhana’s immense research pool.

Participating in the project not only provides more fuel for Vrangalova’s fire, but also gives those engaged with the study a chance to absorb numerous fresh, profoundly personal perspectives on no-strings sex. Plus, who doesn’t love a good dirty story? 

Why not submit your tales of terrific or terrible hook-ups? Or, if you’re more of a voyeur type, read some of The Casual Sex Project’s latest stories.

There’s no shame in taking a look -- it’s all for the love of science.

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'Not-So-Casual' Sex - Amol Parashar - Divya Prakash Dubey - Spoken Fest Mumbai 2020

Zhana Vrangalova had hit a problem. On a blustery day in early spring, sitting in a small coffee shop near the campus of New York University, where she is an adjunct professor of psychology, she was unable to load onto her laptop the Web site that we had met to discuss. This was not a technical malfunction on her end; rather, the site had been blocked. Vrangalova, who is thirty-four, with a dynamic face framed by thick-rimmed glasses, has spent the past decade researching human sexuality, and, in particular, the kinds of sexual encounters that occur outside the norms of committed relationships. The Web site she started in 2014,, began as a small endeavor fuelled by personal referrals, but has since grown to approximately five thousand visitors a day, most of whom arrive at the site through organic Internet searches or referrals through articles and social media. To date, there have been some twenty-two hundred submissions, about evenly split between genders, each detailing the kinds of habits that, when spelled out, can occasionally alert Internet security filters. The Web site was designed to open up the discussion of one-night stands and other less-than-traditional sexual behaviors. What makes us engage in casual sex? Do we enjoy it? Does it benefit us in any way—or, perhaps, might it harm us? And who, exactly, is “us,” anyway?

Up to eighty per cent of college students report engaging in sexual acts outside committed relationships—a figure that is usually cast as the result of increasingly lax social mores, a proliferation of alcohol-fuelled parties, and a potentially violent frat culture. Critics see the high rates of casual sex as an “epidemic” of sorts that is taking over society as a whole. Hookup culture, we hear, is demeaning women and wreaking havoc on our ability to establish stable, fulfilling relationships.

These alarms have sounded before. Writing in 1957, the author Nora Johnson raised an eyebrow at promiscuity on college campuses, noting that “sleeping around is a risky business, emotionally, physically, and morally.” Since then, the critiques of casual sexual behavior have only proliferated, even as society has ostensibly become more socially liberal. Last year, the anthropologist Peter Wood went so far as to call the rise of casual sex “an assault on human nature,” arguing in an article in the conservative Weekly Standard that even the most meaningless-seeming sex comes with a problematic power imbalance.

Others have embraced the commonness of casual sex as a sign of social progress. In a widely read Atlantic article from 2012, “Boys on the Side,” Hanna Rosin urged women to avoid serious suitors so that they could focus on their own needs and careers. And yet, despite her apparent belief in the value of casual sex as a tool of exploration and feminist thinking, Rosin, too, seemed to conclude that casual sex cannot be a meaningful end goal. “Ultimately, the desire for a deeper human connection always wins out, for both men and women,” she wrote.

The Casual Sex Project was born of Vrangalova’s frustration with this and other prevalent narratives about casual sex. “One thing that was bothering me is the lack of diversity in discussions of casual sex,” Vrangalova told me in the café. “It’s always portrayed as something college students do. And it’s almost always seen in a negative light, as something that harms women.”

It was not the first time Vrangalova had wanted to broaden a limited conversation. As an undergraduate, in Macedonia, where she studied the psychology of sexuality, she was drawn to challenge cultural taboos, writing a senior thesis on the development of lesbian and gay sexual attitudes. In the late aughts, Vrangalova started her research on casual sex in Cornell’s developmental-psychology program. One study followed a group of six hundred and sixty-six freshmen over the course of a year, to see how engaging in various casual sexual activities affected markers of mental health: namely, depression, anxiety, life satisfaction, and self-esteem. Another looked at more than eight hundred undergraduates to see whether individuals who engaged in casual sex felt more victimized by others, or were more socially isolated. (The results: yes to the first, no to the second.) The studies were intriguing enough that Vrangalova was offered an appointment at N.Y.U., where she remains, to further explore some of the issues surrounding the effects of nontraditional sexual behaviors on the individuals who engage in them.

Over time, Vrangalova came to realize that there was a gap in her knowledge, and, indeed, in the field as a whole. Casual sex has been much explored in psychological literature, but most of the data captured by her research team—and most of the other experimental research she had encountered—had been taken from college students. (This is a common problem in psychological research: students are a convenient population for researchers.) There has been the occasional nationally representative survey, but rigorous data on other subsets of the population is sparse. Even the largest national study of sexual attitudes in the United States, which surveyed a nationally representative sample of close to six thousand men and women between the ages of fourteen and ninety-four, neglected to ask respondents how many of the encounters they engaged in could be deemed “casual.”

From its beginnings, sex research has been limited by a social stigma. The field’s pioneer, Alfred Kinsey, spent decades interviewing people about their sexual behaviors. His books sold, but he was widely criticized for not having an objective perspective: like Freud before him, he believed that repressed sexuality was at the root of much of social behavior, and he often came to judgments that supported that view—even when his conclusions were based on less-than-representative surveys. He, too, used convenient sample groups, such as prisoners, as well as volunteers, who were necessarily comfortable talking about their sexual practices.

In the fifties, William Masters and Virginia Johnson went further, inquiring openly into sexual habits and even observing people in the midst of sexual acts. Their data, too, was questioned: Could the sort of person who volunteers to have sex in a lab tell us anything about the average American? More troubling still, Masters and Johnson sought to “cure” homosexuality, revealing a bias that could easily have colored their findings.

Indeed, one of the things you quickly notice when looking for data on casual sex is that, for numbers on anyone who is not a college student, you must, for the most part, look at studies conducted outside academia. When OkCupid surveyed its user base, it found that between 10.3 and 15.5 per cent of users were looking for casual sex rather than a committed relationship. In the 2014 British Sex Survey, conducted by the Guardian, approximately half of all respondents reported that they had engaged in a one-night stand (fifty-five per cent of men, and forty-three per cent of women), with homosexuals (sixty-six per cent) more likely to do so than heterosexuals (forty-eight per cent). A fifth of people said they’d slept with someone whose name they didn’t know.

With the Casual Sex Project, Vrangalova is trying to build a user base of stories that she hopes will, one day, provide the raw data for academic study. For now, she is listening: letting people come to the site, answer questions, leave replies. Ritch Savin-Williams, who taught Vrangalova at Cornell, told me that he was especially impressed by Vrangalova’s willingness “to challenge traditional concepts and research designs with objective approaches that allow individuals to give honest, thoughtful responses.”

The result is what is perhaps the largest-ever repository of information about casual-sex habits in the world—not that it has many competitors. The people who share stories range from teens to retirees (Vrangalova’s oldest participants are in their seventies), and include city dwellers and suburbanites, graduate-level-educated professionals (about a quarter of the sample) and people who never finished high school (another quarter). The majority of participants aren’t particularly religious, although a little under a third do identify as at least “somewhat” religious. Most are white, though there are also blacks, Latinos, and other racial and ethnic groups. Initially, contributions were about sixty-per-cent female, but now they’re seventy-per-cent male. (This is in line with norms; men are “supposed” to brag more about sexual exploits than women.) Anyone can submit a story, along with personal details that reflect his or her demographics, emotions, personality traits, social attitudes, and behavioral patterns, such as alcohol intake. The setup for data collection is standardized, with drop-down menus and rating scales.

Still, the site is far from clinical. The home page is a colorful mosaic of squares, color-coded according to the category of sexual experience (blue: “one-night stand”; purple: “group sex”; gray: the mysterious-sounding “first of many”; and so on). Pull quotes are highlighted for each category (“Ladies if you haven’t had a hot, young Latino stud you should go get one!”). Many responses seem to boast, provoke, or exaggerate for rhetorical purposes. Reading it, I felt less a part of a research project than a member of a society devoted to titillation.

Vrangalova is the first to admit that the Casual Sex Project is not what you would call an objective, scientific approach to data collection. There is no random assignment, no controls, no experimental conditions; the data is not representative of the general population. The participants are self-selecting, which inevitably colors the results: if you’re taking the time to write, you are more likely to write about positive experiences. You are also more likely to have the sort of personality that comes with wanting to share details of your flings with the public. There is another problem with the Casual Sex Project that is endemic in much social-science research: absent external behavioral validation, how do we know that respondents are reporting the truth, rather than what they want us to hear or think we want them to say?

And yet, for all these flaws, the Casual Sex Project provides a fascinating window into the sexual habits of a particular swath of the population. It may not be enough to draw new conclusions, but it can lend nuance to assumptions, expanding, for instance, ideas about who engages in casual sex or how it makes them feel. As I browsed through the entries after my meeting with Vrangalova, I came upon the words of a man who learned something new about his own sexuality during a casual encounter in his seventies: “before this I always said no one can get me of on a bj alone, I was taught better,” he writes. As a reflection of the age and demographic groups represented, the Casual Sex Project undermines the popular narrative that casual sex is the product of changing mores among the young alone. If that were the case, we would expect there to be a reluctance to engage in casual sex among the older generations, which grew up in the pre-“hookup culture” era. Such reluctance is not evident.

The reminder that people of all ages engage in casual sex might lead us to imagine three possible narratives. First, that perhaps what we see as the rise of a culture of hooking up isn’t actually new. When norms related to dating and free love shifted, in the sixties, they never fully shifted back. Seventy-year-olds are engaging in casual encounters because that attitude is part of their culture, too.


Similar news:

You're About to Learn A Lot About Casual Sex

We throw around the term "casual sex" like it's just one thing. When news outlets mention casual sex, they're typically referring to troubling fads, like sexting, bizarre blow job games, and, more generally, the normalization of casual sex among young people. (Here's Gawker's handy round-up of the last decade's moral panics. Remember sex bracelets?)

The truth is, casual sex has been — and will be, forevermore — widespread. And there are so many ways to do it: with a one night stand, a routine fuck buddy, or even a rando at an organized orgy. Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher and NYU instructor, created The Casual Sex Project, and it's really important. Why? The stories of casual sex that she solicits from all kinds of people — not just us horny, immoral youths — are shedding light on the myriad ways we bang outside of relationships.Anyone can submit stories of their hook-ups to the site, "regardless of age, gender, race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, religious affiliation." So far, The Casual Sex Project is not only a beautiful representation of the vast scope of human sexuality, but it is also a powerful platform that normalizes — and nuances — the sexual experiences of traditionally marginalized voices.

In a recent interview with Salon, Vrangalova explains why she decided to launch the site:

I am fascinated by the fact that we as a society have decided that sex is only acceptable and healthy if it’s within the confines of a long-term relationship; that if it’s done purely for fun and pleasure it’s somehow a bad thing. So I wanted to create a communal space that is anonymous, nonjudgmental and welcoming of everyone with a hookup story where the good, the bad and the mediocre can all come out.

At last, a space where casual sex isn't any one thing! As Vrangalova notes, there is an astonishing diversity of casual hookup experiences, as well as diversity of what she calls "the transformative power of the hook-up." For some people, non-serious sexual encounters can open them up to amazing new things about their bodies and pleasure. For others, relatively anonymous hook-ups allow them realize that sex outside of true love is 100 percent not their scene. One lesson is no better than the other; one experience is no more valid or representative than the other. The site empowers people to speak for themselves, and it's incredibly powerful to read. I was particularly moved by the stories that are so wildly different from my own, from that of the cheating suburban housewife to the young gay man whose hook-up "put on a neoprene top harness and a nasty pig jockstrap."

On principle, I am impressed with any website that compels me to Google "neoprene top harness" and "pig jockstrap."Whatever your experience with casual sex, The Casual Sex Project is worth a read. You can share your story here.


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